Holiday parties are all about sharing in the delights of the season, but they can also be a source of drama. Inviting a group of coworkers, friends, or especially family together can invite all sorts of unforeseen friction over everything from dietary preferences to presents and more. In light of that, we asked a handful of etiquette and hosting experts to weigh in on ways to sail smoothly through hosting or attending festive dinners and casual gatherings.

What we’ve learned from the answers below is that good behavior is pretty well agreed upon, but if you need some help handling issues like plus-ones, food restrictions and the much maligned Venmo-ed invoice for dinner guests, here’s what the experts we reached out to had to say below.

How To Be the Best Holiday Party Guest Ever

Your first interaction with your host is going to be with the invitation itself, whether that’s a formal card, an evite or just a text. As a guest, it’s important to RSVP, even as wintry weather sets in and makes the idea of going outside less attractive. “The less you know someone, the more you might be inclined to give them an indefinite RSVP,” Lizzie Post, author, co-president of the Emily Post Institute and co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast, explains. However, we really should have the opposite inclination. “With a good friend you can [reply ‘maybe’], but you shouldn’t do that with someone like your boss or their spouse or partner hosting.”

If you’re wondering whether your invite to a party includes a “plus one,” ideally the host has explicitly stated as much. If not, it’s OK to politely ask. “A ‘plus one’ is issued to someone who’s independent or single and doesn’t have a partner, and is also issued at the host’s discretion,” Post explains. “With close friends and family you should certainly check in and let them know you want to have a ‘date’ or a ‘buddy’ come with you. Using those terms also sets up the expectation of what you’re asking.”

That said, a good host should invite established couples (married or otherwise) to attend social events together. But if one half of a couple can’t make it, Post warns it’s not polite for the other to just bring a spare friend along at the last minute.

As for the party itself, when you show up, how you engage with other guests, and even what you wear can all make an impact on you and everyone else at a holiday party. It starts with arriving on time, or at least close to it, especially for a dinner. “As a host, it’s bothersome to have planned, timed and cooked a lavish meal, only to have it be served cold by the time latecomers arrive,” says food content creator and Cookbook Club host Stephanie Lau. “Hot food is best enjoyed when served at the correct temperature, hot!”

And while we can all see the virtue in punctuality, Myka Meier, an etiquette expert, protocol instructor and founder of Beaumont Etiquette, adds a dose of reality to her similar advice, “Arriving a few minutes later than the invite time allows the host those final moments to prepare.”

Speaking of preparation, as a guest it’s also important to look the part. “Dress for the occasion,” Lisa Grotts, an etiquette expert and consultant known as the Golden Rules Gal, recommends. “Ditch the sweats and opt for festive attire such as a holiday sweater or something sparkly.”

If the dinner party menu or cocktail snacks are a team effort among all the guests, Post reminds us to bring whatever is within means. “If you are asked to bring something, stick within your budget. It’s OK for you to bring what you like or what you think would be good, regardless of the price. You don’t have to cook it or make it yourself, you can pick it up at the store if you want to.”

(As for whether you should bring a gift especially for the host, we have a separate article breaking down our etiquette experts’ advice here.)

Even though we’re usually glued to our phones and devices, parties are also a time to log off for a bit. “Be engaged and put away your phone,” Lau adds. “Part of what makes a great guest is when they can be attentive, make small talk and eventually segue into banter and/or deeper conversations throughout the evening.”

Another way to leave a good impression is to not overstay your welcome, either. The type of party and how the invitation itself reads can be some of your first clues as to what overstaying might mean. “If the invite says ‘cocktails from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m.,’ it’s fine to stop in for a drink and leave, but don’t stay past 7 p.m.,” Post explains. “If the invitation has a singular time like ‘dinner at 7:30 p.m.,’ plan on two to three hours, but you wouldn’t want to leave until a dessert is served.”

Food Etiquette for Party Guests With Dietary Restrictions

Anyone with a food allergy or restriction might develop a sense of anxiety around eating or inquiring about the food at a holiday party. Ideally, hosts should anticipate these needs by either planning for them or asking beforehand. But Grotts advises, “It’s rude to ask what will be served unless the host offers the information — then it’s your moment to speak up.”

Of course, it should go without saying that this goes for legitimate food issues. “It’s fine to say you’re gluten-free, vegetarian or vegan,” Grotts adds, “but saying ‘I only eat Kobe beef’ or ‘I only drink dry pink champagne’ is a bridge too far.”

While a host may try to accommodate everyone’s preferences, it’s not always possible. “If meat or poultry might be served and you don’t eat it, consider declining the invitation,” Grotts says. “Otherwise, fake it or eat around the dish (unless you have a serious allergy). If stew is served, you may be out of luck.”

But for family get-togethers or opportunities to spend time with close friends, the idea of bailing on a party due to food might seem less-than-festive. “As a guest, if you have a strict dietary need, offer to bring a small dish to share that does not have the ingredients you cannot eat,” Meier suggests. “This keeps it considerate and ensures you’ll have something you can enjoy too.”

Post agrees it’s OK to ask a host about bringing your own food. “They may say ‘I’m happy to make something, just tell me what your needs are,’ or ‘I’m not sure I can make that, go ahead and bring something.’ Often, we play a little host-guest dance, but it’s OK to ask if it would be easier for them if you provided the accommodation.”

How To Be the Best Holiday Party Host Ever

As a host, your invitation can do a lot of the heavy lifting when it comes to setting yourself and your guests up for a great time. Try to spell out as much about the food, drinks and festivities in the invitation as you can. “Don’t let your guests make assumptions, set expectations in advance and clearly communicate them,” Stephanie Lau says. “It’s awkward when a guest shows up to a potluck without a dish because the host didn’t mention that it was a potluck in the first place.”

Anticipating the expectations that may be placed on you as the host is just as important, including the ability to welcome all guests into your home. “Ask about accessibility,” Lizzie Post says. “Especially if there’s someone who’s never been to your home before, it’s important we make accessibility a regular part of the conversation. It is so great when the host can be the one to make the ask with the invitation. Put on the bottom, ‘Please let me know about any accessibility, allergies or restrictions you might have. I would love to accommodate them if I can.’”

Post also says to be sure to include an RSVP method and due date. This can help you gather information from your guests (i.e. allergies and restrictions) but also gives you and them a cutoff for a final headcount.

Once your guests arrive, a good host should also be ready to welcome them into an inviting atmosphere. “Being a great host is about making guests feel like they belong,” says Elaine Swann, lifestyle and etiquette expert, author, and founder of The Swann School of Protocol. “Offer a warm greeting at the door, show first-time visitors around, and create a vibe where people can relax.”

“Think about little things that can brighten their experience, like setting up a cozy spot with blankets for a quiet moment or offering them a festive, welcome drink when they walk in,” Chloé Crane-Leroux, a food and lifestyle photographer, content creator and plant-based recipe developer, suggests. “A handwritten name card or a thoughtful, personal detail — like a favorite snack they mentioned in passing — can make a big difference.”

If you’re the type who needs a checklist, Myka Meier offers her Five Senses Hosting Tip as an impactful way to make people feel welcome. “If you can hit all five senses within the first minute of arriving, it’s bound to be a success,” Meier explains. “For example, greet each person individually with a warm hug, handshake or help them with their coats (touch); have something baking (smell); have hors d’oeuvres and delicious drinks on offer (taste); turn the TVs off and have ambient or festive music playing (sound); make sure your home is decorated according to the occasion — a festive wreath or decor upon entering different rooms to set the tone of a celebration (sight).”

Alternatively, Crane-Leroux reminds us it’s totally acceptable to keep things cozy and simple. “Hosting can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t need to be extravagant to be memorable. [...] Focus on the conversations and laughter rather than worrying about every detail.”

Of course, food and drinks at any party are a must. “You always offer refreshment,” Lizzie Post says. “If you’re hosting a party and inviting people, it has to be something and has to match the invitation. You can’t say ‘dinner party’ and just have pizzas out of the box.”

But as a host, trying to meet every guest’s dietary needs can feel overwhelming. Etiquette consultant Lisa Grotts reminds us to keep things in perspective. “Remember, a special guest is Pope Francis or the King of England, not a friend coming for dinner. If hosts catered to everyone’s dietary restrictions, we’d be left with bread and water. (And even then — unbleached? Almond flour? Rice flour?)”

However, party-worthy recipes that also meet an array of dietary preferences out there are pretty much infinitely available these days, so accommodating one vegan or vegetarian or gluten-free guest doesn’t need to throw off your entire menu. “We all have that moment of worry, wondering if there’s something for us on the table,” plant-based recipe developer Chloé Crane-Leroux says of guests with restricted diets. “As someone who loves creating inclusive, plant-based options, I’ve found that offering variety helps everyone feel safe and satisfied.”

“Even having one hearty, plant-based dish shows you care,” Swann agrees. “It’s the little things that make people feel seen and valued.

The same goes for drinks. “As a host, creating a balanced bar setup with both alcoholic and non-alcoholic options allows everyone to feel included — especially as more people are going alcohol-free for an evening, a month or a lifetime,” Victoria Watters, co-founder of the alcohol alternatives guide Dry Atlas, suggests. “Consider offering a thoughtfully-crafted non-alcoholic cocktail (ready-to-drink versions work, too!) or a selection of non-alcoholic wines.”

Lizzie Post reminds us that at any party, “soft drinks” should always be offered — and that they don’t have to be soda. “Even if it’s just the mixer, you can have a punch and then have the booze separate.”

The one thing you don’t want to do is blindside your friends and family with a request for cash after the fact. “You do not charge your guests. You do not Venmo them an invoice,” Post says. “It’s one thing if you’re organizing a group dinner and getting people to buy in, but if you’re inviting people over, etiquette says that does not come with any fee. There are no financial contracts among friends. If you look at some of the viral instances, they go terribly.

If costs are a concern, there’s no shame in a potluck. “Ask friends and family to pitch in with dishes,” Swann says. “Not only does it lighten the load on your wallet, but it turns the meal into a collaborative feast — and who doesn’t love sharing recipes and stories?”

Another option is to keep things small. “Instead of overdoing it, don't be afraid to opt for smaller portion sizing as well as pre-made foods,” Vivian Tu, a financial literacy and lifestyle expert and founder of YourRichBFF, suggests. “We did a small Thanksgiving for four a few years back, and got a Costco Rotisserie chicken as our main dish! We didn’t have to cook for hours, and didn’t end up with a lifetime of leftovers.”

And if you simply must cook (and pay for) the entire meal, Tu offers this money-saving tip: Use cash-back apps. “Brands like Ibotta, Rakuten and Dosh are great for saving on your grocery shopping or home decorating this season.”

How to Gracefully Leave (Or End) a Holiday Party

“Everybody forgets goodbyes! Parting well is really important,” Post emphasized. But how do you do so gracefully and gratefully?

“While it’s okay not to say goodbye to all party or event attendees, it’s important to say goodbye to the host,” Meier says. “A simple wave with a smile from across the room will do if they’re truly engaged, but if you can, a quick face-to-face ‘thank you’ helps close the evening with kindness and appreciation.”

What if the party is going on too long for your taste? “As a guest, after everything has been served, it’s totally acceptable to say ‘this has been so amazing, but I need to get myself home,’” Post says. “A host who has guests lingering too long can absolutely do the same, like ‘I have loved talking with everyone, but I have to admit I need to get up early in the morning.’ Joking about it or making it light can help move people out the door.”

And finally, Crane-Leroux points out the impact of another simple gesture for hosts and guests after the party is over: Following up. “It’s a beautiful gesture to send a thank-you note or a heartfelt message,” Crane-Leroux says. “If you’re the host, let your guests know how grateful you are for their company and how much those shared moments meant to you. It’s those small expressions of gratitude that deepen connections and make memories last.”

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